Male Victims Of Domestic Abuse
Have you been abused?
Does your partner block the exit to keep you from leaving during an argument? Open personal mail? Keep you from seeing friends or family? Call you names?
Does your partner put you down in the presence of others? Say no one else would want you? Threaten suicide if you were to leave?
Do you feel like you are “walking on eggshells” around your partner? Do they act like two different people? (e.g. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde)
Have you been shoved, slapped, punched, bitten, scratched, kicked, or had objects thrown at you? Even once?
Does your partner threaten that if you leave you will never see the children again?
Destroy or threaten to destroy your property?
Does your partner anger easily, especially when drinking or drugs are being used?
If any number of these factors are true in your relationship, there is a problem. Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life—all cultures—incomes—professions—ages—religions. Domestic Violence is not about size, strength, or gender. It is about gaining and maintaining power and control over another person.
Why men do not tell . . .
Males generally face disbelief and ridicule when reporting abuse. As a result, male victims of domestic abuse tend to make excuses for their injuries -“I bumped into something” - when questioned by friends or medical personnel, which only allows perpetrators to continue to abuse.
The general public has been desensitized by sitcoms and commercials depicting males being hit over the head with a frying pans, kicked in the groin, and slapped in the face by their intimate partners. The message - it’s OK to hit a man, and when a man is in pain, that’s funny! Is that the lesson we want to teach our youth? Let’s truly work towards ending domestic violence by eliminating violence against everyone!
“It is our choices . . .that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
Reasons why men stay in abusive relationships
Shame: “What will people think?”, “They won’t believe me if I tell them.” “I don’t want to be laughed at.”
Self Worth: “I do so many things to make them angry at me . . . If I could just be more thoughtful/loving/listen better, etc. . .” ” I probably deserved it.”
Denial: “I can handle it, it’s not that bad.” “All I have to do is leave until they cool down.” They only gets that way some of the time. The rest of the time they are wonderful . . .”
Reluctance to give up the good: “They are creative, or loving, or caring most of the time. They did not mean it.”
Inertia: “It’s hard to do anything about it.” “I’m not ready to change my life.” “I’ll deal with it later.”